This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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