I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
