theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
