my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
