I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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