Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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