bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
