As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
