I just cut my nipple shaving
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
