I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
