the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
