i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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