someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
