is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
