Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
