Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Randomize
