apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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