He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
