I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
