I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
