The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
