shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
