We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
