I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
