Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
