i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've blown a few things in my day
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Pants are for mortals
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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