Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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