Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
