I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You pole danced in your parka.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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