i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i drank out of a bidet.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
