I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
