Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
