I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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