I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
