Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
