hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
