I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
