i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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