Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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