im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
