her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
