So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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