shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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