Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
