I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
What happened to fro yo and sex?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
