dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
