her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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