Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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