I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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