is this the sara with the beer cane?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
