Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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