thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
