The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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