I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
